Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
