Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
