she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
