Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
