I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
