Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
