I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
