i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
