There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
