I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
