Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
