sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize