i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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