Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize