just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're like the curious george of whores
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't turn off my feet"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
