once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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