In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
