Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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