Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
