Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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