he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
