I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
