He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
