Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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