Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
