3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
