I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
