last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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