And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
