I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
