since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
