I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
