It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
