EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
