I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just pee around me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
