I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
