Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
