You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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