how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
