never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
