The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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