Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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