I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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