Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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