; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
