Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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