Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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