It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
