Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
