and you said cock pushups were impossible
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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