I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
