hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
