Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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