ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
