All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
