Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god it's open bar.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
