I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize