East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
barbara walters just said penis...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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