Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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