I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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