my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The feeling are messing with the penis
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
