so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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