The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
