I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
