just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
