Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
