im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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