it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
