I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
