You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
