The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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