I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
