im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
