so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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