Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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