dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
