Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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