i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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