it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
