It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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