and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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