omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
