He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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