So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have fence marks all over my body
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
